


Greg the Wingman

by AurigaCapella



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 08:13:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13231665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AurigaCapella/pseuds/AurigaCapella
Summary: Peridot and Greg team up to find Steven a birthday gift and help Peridot express her feelings to Amethyst.





	Greg the Wingman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissytheAngle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissytheAngle/gifts).



Greg woke to a metallic echo reverberating off the walls of his van. He stretched and opened his eyes.

“Chill out, we don’t open ‘til 10:30 and it’s only—” He yawned and looked at his phone. “—quarter to 6? Geez, that’s early.”

The knocking continued and was joined by a nasal voice. “Open the door, I have an urgent question!”

“Fine, fine,” Greg muttered. He pulled open the van’s rear doors and discovered Peridot, arms crossed and eyes fixed firmly ahead, standing just outside the doors’ clearance. “What’s so important?”

“It’s your son!” said Peridot.

“What’s wrong? Has something happened? Is Steven okay?” Greg frantically patted his pockets for his keys. “Where is he?”

“Asleep at home, I presume,” said Peridot flatly.

“Oh. Maybe lead with that next time? Because I just about had a stroke I was so worried.”

“Noted.”

Greg sat down at the edge of the van. “Then what is this about?”

“You celebrate the day Rose Quartz stopped existing and Steven began existing every August 15th, correct?”

Greg rubbed the back of his neck. “Err, yeah, but we try to focus mostly on the second part.”

Peridot ignored his discomfort and pressed on. “And it is customary to celebrate the day that began a human’s existence with a gift?”

“Yep, but you don’t have to do much. Steven’s a good kid, he’ll just be happy that we’re all together.”

“Steven has given me many things. He found me a home, made me stilts, showed me Camp Pining Hearts, and helped me get to know Amethy-... I mean, helped me understand Earth.”

Greg chuckled. “Yep, he does a lot for his friends.”

“He even created Pumpkin, and there’s nothing better than Pumpkin. I must give him an equally valuable gift.”

Greg yawned. “And waking me up before dawn is part of your present?”

“No. I simply thought since you are his parent, you might have some gift ideas. I need to impress him.”

Greg scratched his head. “Well, you’ve got me over a barrel there. I can’t think of anything this year either.”

“Hmpf. It’s easy for you, you gave him life so he should already feel gratitude toward you. I would never owe anything to the Gems I Injected into Kindergartens.”

“That’s a weird way of looking at it. And the gift giving isn’t really about who owes who what, it’s more about thinking ‘Gee, I’m glad this person is around and I want to let them know that.’ It’s sort of an appreciation thing.”

Peridot frowned. “That alters my approach. Perhaps the goal is not to give the grandest item, but the most meaningful one?”

“It’s not a competition or anything, but yeah. Meaningful is good.” Greg patted the spot next to him. “Let’s sit down and think this through.”

Peridot approached the van and carefully balanced next to Greg. ”Ok. Steven likes the dog helicopter. I could create a flying exoskeleton for canines so he can have his own ‘dogcopter.’”

“That’s, uh, one idea,” said Greg. “He likes lots of other things too. Those trips with you and Amethyst, the beach, video games.”

“Yes, but a dogcopter could potentially transport him and might be a more loyal pet than the lion.”

Greg imagined a fleet of flying puppies carrying his son and desperately searched for a reason to shoot Peridot down. “Uhh, I don’t know if Pearl will be happy with another animal in the house.”

“That is a setback.” Peridot drummed her fingers on her knee.  “Unless the appeal is in the  _ flight _ part, not the dog part?” She rubbed her hands together. “Yes! I could design a personal flight vehicle for Steven, which he could use to spend more time with me.” She puffed her chest out. “As you said, he enjoys trips with me and Amethyst.”

The conversation was rapidly descending into Andy territory. “Music! He likes music,” said Greg desperately. “I bet we could do something with that.”

Peridot eyed Greg skeptically. “That’s true, but I really think he would prefer a small airplane.”

Greg gave a small shrug. “Sure, but his birthday is next week so we don’t have much time.”

Peridot closed her eyes for a moment, then nodded. “A musical gift is an inferior idea, but given we only have a week to come up with a solution, it’s probably the more expedient choice.”

Greg slid off the tailgate and motioned for Peridot to do the same. “I don’t know exactly what sort of musical gift, but if you give me a minute to head into the office there—” He jerked a thumb toward the car wash’s door. “—I can make a cup of coffee and think it over.”

Peridot hopped off the van and watched Greg shut the rear doors. “Well, you need to think quickly so that I can begin building whatever we come up with!”

Greg ran a hand over the door. “Oh man, it’s all dented. You must have been knocking pretty hard, this thing is basically indestructible.”

Peridot rolled her eyes. “Isn’t Pearl always repairing it?”

“Yeah, but the paint job’s held up really well... even if the engine hasn’t.”

Peridot leaned in to look at the dents. “Oh, these are nothing! Minor damage.” She held her hands out and jerked them back with a grunt. The dented areas popped back out. “Good as new. Or better, probably, since I also realigned the door handles.”

“Woah,” said Greg. “I didn’t know you could do that!”

“It’s simple. I just think about where I want the metal to go, and it goes there.” 

“Metal powers, huh?” Greg stroked his chin. “Actually... I know what we can give Steven! But first we gotta visit Amethyst.”

A slight blush crept across Peridot’s face. “I was going there next anyway, but you’re welcome to come along.”

\--

Greg and Peridot stood among stacks of clutter in Amethyst’s room. In one corner was a pile bursting with old vinyl records, busted cassette players, and half a dozen different pieces of broken audio equipment.

“Your junk, sweet junk,” said Amethyst as she gestured toward the pile. “Stay as long as you need to, I’m gonna kick back and watch the scrap topple.”

“I’m certain Greg has this under control,” said Peridot. “May I ‘kick back’ with you?”

Amethyst smiled. “Sure, Dot.” They settled onto a pile of discarded cloth and watched Greg dig through the towering stack of boxes.

“So, what’s he lookin’ for?” Amethyst asked.

“I don’t know. We were discussing what to give Steven for his birth celebration, I fixed some dents in Greg’s van, and then we came here.” Peridot shrugged. “ _ I _ wanted to give him a personal flight vehicle, but Greg said there isn’t enough time.”

“Yeah, it’s only a week away.”

“What are you giving him?”

“The satisfaction of knowing me, mostly.” Amethyst cracked her knuckles. “And I’m gonna shapeshift into a snake and freak Pearl out at his party, so the gift of laughter.” She stuck out a long, forked tongue. “Still working on my snake-i-tude but I think I’m getting close.”

“Admirable choices,” said Peridot. “Greg and I are working together to create the most sentimentally significant item.”

“Good call, Steven loves sappy stuff.”

Peridot felt a flutter in her chest at Amethyst’s praise. “Well, I am a magnificent gift-giver.”

Amethyst leaned toward her. “Hmm, well you’ll have to give me something sometime.” 

“Found it!” called Greg from across the room.

Peridot jumped up. “Excellent, umm, we can get back to work!” She glanced back at Amethyst, who was looking at the ceiling. She’d blown another chance. “Thanks, Amethyst,” she squeaked before hastening toward the room’s exit.

“Yeah, thanks for storing all this stuff. I gotta get back to the car wash, but I’ll see you around,” said Greg.

Amethyst blew her bangs out of her face and waved at Greg. “Later dude.”

\--

Peridot climbed out of the van and puzzled over the item Greg had handed her. “It looks like Steven’s ukulele and guitar fused.” She picked it up and tentatively plucked a string. “It isn’t producing sound.”

Greg stood next to her and looked down at the instrument. “Err, that’s because it’s kinda been broken since 1998.”

“That’s a long time to keep something that isn’t functioning, considering it’s a significant portion of your short lifespan.”

“Well, it’s not every day you find an electric ukulele. But you’ve got all those tech skills and metal powers, care to crack her open and see if you can fix her?”

Peridot’s eyes went wide. “Her? Is this... sentient?” She held the instrument to her ear.

“Nah, but a lot of people give their instruments names.”

“Oh. What is her name, then?”

Greg shook his head. “Eh, I bought her second hand and she only worked for like, a day, before I couldn’t get any more sound out of her. You can name her, if you want.”

Peridot squinted at the electric ukulele. “Since she’s going to be a gift for Steven, she should have a name he will appreciate.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Hmm.” Peridot ran a hand over the body of the ukulele. “She’s pink, and Steven’s mother was Rose Quartz. Rose?”

Greg frowned. “Might be hitting a little too close to home there.”

“Oh.” Peridot looked up at him and noticed his eyes looked strange. “Have I upset you?”

“No, no. I was just thinking how much she would’ve liked this. A Gem from Homeworld, hanging out with me and preparing a surprise for Steven.” He blinked hard and sniffed a little. “It would have made her happy.”

Understanding the importance of Rose Quartz was one of the primary barriers between Peridot and the Crystal Gems, and here she had another outsider who had managed to overcome that obstacle. She seized the opportunity. “Do you- do you think she would have liked me?”

Greg’s eyes wrinkled at the corners. “Rose would have loved you. I mean, she loved everyone, but you...” He considered her for a moment. “She would have loved the way you’ve made friends with her friends.”

Peridot gently loosened the ukulele’s body with her metal powers. “She sounds a lot like Steven.”

“She was. Sometimes I look at him and I can see myself just fine. But other times I look and it’s all her. The smile, the laugh. His ‘serious face.’” Greg sighed.

“The ‘serious face’ is the one that made me believe he could bubble the Cluster,” said Peridot. “And the smiling face made him my friend.” She spotted a wire out of place and carefully bent it. “I’d never had one before,” she said softly.

“Well, you’ve got one more now,” said Greg.

“You really think Amethyst sees me that way?” said Peridot.

“What? Of course she does!” Greg shook his head. “But I meant me. Even if it meant waking up with the sun, together we were able to come up with a great gift for Steven. I know you mean a lot to him, and it’s kinda nice to get to know you myself.”

“Likewise.” She closed the ukulele’s body and turned it over. “Does this need to be plugged in like Steven’s electric guitar?”

“Yeah, let me get you hooked up.” Greg rummaged in his van and emerged a moment later with an amp. “This should do it.”

Peridot gingerly plugged the ukulele in and gave it an experimental strum. “Woah. For such a small machine, that’s a really big sound.”

Greg laughed. “You could say the same about your voice.” He winced. “And your fists, but thanks for fixing the damage you did.”

“It was nothing. I can repair anything!” Her face fell. “Well, anything mechanical,” she mumbled.

“Peridot, if there’s something you want to talk about— I mean, I’m not Steven, but I’m here.”

Peridot sighed. “I suppose you do have expert information, since you’ve, umm...” Her face flushed. “You, uh, successfully convinced a quartz to have a close relationship with you.”

“Successfully...” Greg puzzled for a moment. “Oh, you mean Rose and I, which means you... want to court a quartz?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Peridot groaned. “You’re  _ exactly _ like Steven.”

Greg smiled. “He had to get it from somewhere.” He sat down and motioned for Peridot to follow. “So you like Amethyst, huh?”

“Yes, I find her pleasant and entertaining.” Peridot sat cross-legged next to Greg and cradled the ukulele in her lap. “But every time we get close to discussing the matter, I find myself incapable of speech.”

“I know what you mean. When you really like someone, sometimes you get a little tongue tied.”

“How did you win the affections of Rose Quartz?”

“You know, I’d like to say I did something really smooth, wrote a song or something. But really I just kinda chased her down waving a t-shirt.” His face lit up at the memory. “And for some reason she liked me anyway, dweeby gimmick and all.”

“Amethyst doesn’t wear clothing.”

“It wasn’t really about the t-shirt.” Greg leaned back and looked at the sky. “Really, we just spent time getting to know each other. And the chemistry... Well, you kinda know it when you feel it.”

“Chemistry?” Peridot furrowed her brow. “Should I expose Amethyst to a catalyst?”

“No. Well, not literally... but yeah, I guess that’s one way to put it. Get out of your comfort zone, do something new.”

Peridot leaned back to match Greg. “What would impress someone as knowledgeable about life on Earth as Amethyst?”

“I dunno, but Amethyst is a pretty fun person. She’ll probably enjoy whatever you come up with.”

They sat in silence for a moment while Peridot ran her hands along the neck of the ukulele. “You said you wished you had written a song for Rose Quartz, instead of pursuing her with clothing?”

“I did write her songs later, just not right then. Music can be a good way to get your feelings out.”

“I see.” Peridot picked up the ukulele and tried to mimic the way she had seen Steven hold his acoustic model. “May I borrow Steven’s electric ukulele?”

Greg shrugged. “I don’t see why not.  Steven’ll probably like it even more if you use it for something heartfelt before we give it to him.” He watched Peridot awkwardly clutch the instrument. “But only if you let me help you learn to play a little.”

Peridot scoffed. “Steven already taught me about music.”

Greg played along. “Ok, show me what you’ve got.”

Peridot strummed the ukulele and it emitted an unpleasant echo. “On second thought, lessons might be useful.”

\--

“Happy birthday!” Greg said as he handed Steven a wrapped gift box. Peridot hovered over his shoulder.

“The tag says ‘from Dad and Peridot.’ I didn’t know you two hung out!” said Steven.

Greg smiled. “Yeah, we’ve spent some time together.”

“Just unwrap it!” said Peridot anxiously. 

Steven tore the paper and lifted the lid from the box. “Wow, a new instrument!”

“It’s an electric ukulele!” said Peridot. “Greg had stored it in Amethyst’s room and I repaired it.”

“Neato! Dad, can you show me how to play it?”

“I think you’ll have no trouble picking it up,” said Greg. He glanced at Peridot. “But Peridot can show you some stuff sometime if you want.”

“You can play it? That’s amazing, how did you learn?”

“Greg’s been giving me lessons.” Peridot lifted her chin. “I’m an excellent student.”

“Two of my favorite people have been hanging out and making music, that’s so cool!”  Steven fiddled with the ukulele’s strap and looked up at Peridot. “Have you written anything for it?” 

Peridot fidgeted. “Umm. It’s not exactly done yet.”

“Nonsense, you’ve been writing some killer stuff,” said Greg. He leaned toward Peridot and whispered. “Beautiful night, everyone’s in a great mood,  _ she’s right there _ .”

“What if she hates it?” Peridot whispered back. 

“Then afterward you don’t tell her it’s about her,” said Greg. “And besides, she’s going to love it.” He gently pushed Peridot forward. 

“Oh, alright.” Peridot accepted the ukulele from Steven, plugged it into a nearby amp, and turned to address the gathered humans and Gems. “This is a song Steven and I wrote. I added more words.”

She took a breath and began to sing:

_ Life and death and love and birth _ , 

_ And peace and war on the planet Earth _

_ Is there anything that’s worth more _

_ Than peace and love on the planet Earth, woah-oh _

_ Well, I can think of something _

_ How you make me want to sing _

_ Your smile has equal worth _

_ With peace and love on the planet Earth _

 

_ I guess you’re always right here _

_ I guess I already know _

_ That I have nothing to fear _

_ And we are taking it slow _

_ I know just how I feel _

_ And I think you do too _

_ I think I’m lucky to be stuck on Earth with you _

 

_ Life and death and love and birth _

_ Life and death and love and birth _

_ Life and death and love and birth  _

_ And peace and war on the planet Earth _

_ Is there anything that’s worth more _

_ Is there anything that’s worth more _

_ Is there anything that’s worth more _

_ Than being with you on the planet Earth _

 

As everyone applauded Greg glanced over at Amethyst. Exactly as he’d hoped, she was smiling slightly and hadn’t moved her eyes off of Peridot. 

Steven jumped up and eagerly approached Peridot. “I can’t believe you did that, it was so good! You’re a real musician!”

Peridot blushed slightly as she handed the ukulele back to Steven. “It wasn’t that significant an accomplishment,” she said. “Mostly an adaptation of something you already wrote.”

“Yeah, but now there’s a whole second verse!” said Steven. “Wanna do a duet next?” 

Greg swooped in next to Steven. “Hey Shtoo-ball, why don’t you give that thing a try while I handle backup on the guitar?” He looked at Peridot and tilted his head toward Amethyst.

“That is an excellent idea,” said Peridot. Her eyes drifted toward Amethyst. “You get started with the music, I’ve, ummm...”

Steven followed Peridot’s gaze and gasped. “Was that song about Amethyst?” He grinned. “You like her!”

“I- uh, I-” Peridot stuttered. “I find her charming.” 

“Well go tell her that!” said Steven. 

Peridot took a deep breath. “I will. I hope you’ve found your gift satisfactory.”

Steven wrapped her in a hug. “You and Dad are friends, I found out you like Amethyst back,  _ and  _ I got an electric ukulele. Best birthday ever!”

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Missytheangle for giving a request with the brilliant phrase "Anything with Greg or Peridot interacting with anyone is also great." I saw the words "Greg and Peridot interacting" and was so excited to get to write them together. I had a blast working on this and reading Missytheangle's fics, which anyone reading this should also do!


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